おれ わ jemae です’s Bloggy

.I really want to kill someone, if looks can kill i will kill him to death! chop his head off! and his arms! argh! if it’s crime to kill someone using my imagination, i’m sure i’ll be in jail now. argh! i hate it! i hate myself trying to be nice to someone i’m mad at. BAKAMITAI! KUSO! i really hate myself! *sigh* but what can i do? i guess i really can’t hurt someone no matter how i hate him. scratch that! i hate what he just did. not totally him. *sigh* ARGH. and now, i should just forget about it. but how??? h.e.l.l.o?? it’s not simple just to forget! i’m not good in forgetting something bad. but well, i’ll try my best. i guess it’s my fault too? but hey!!! i didn’t know everything and the things that happened??? how am i suppose to be not mad about it? *sigh* i think this is enough. i should just forget about it then? i just want to burst out this madness out of my mind so i can think straight or else, i will kill someone. *laughs* as if i can really kill someone?

Note: this is just my madness so ignore it! *laughs* i’m just too mad about something.. ahaha! but tell you, this is not abbout a relationship! this involves the stupid computer!

..waahh! I’ve been really really busy…….. or not? *laughs* i’m just too lazy to update anything here in my blog.. really, i want to update everyday.. but my mind is stuck somewhere down the road~~~ *dorky smile* I feel lighten and brighter these days, i guess… I’m inspired? *giggles* waaahh! enough with this weird feelings! ahaha! i still have to handle something important and make myself ready for the examination results! DAMN! lucky i passed my analytic geometry! ahaha! i thought i will retake again! but THANK GOD! hihih.. nyah! I’ve really tried my very best and it takes off! *jumps* URESHII YO NE! ^___^

oowww! anyways! i still have to prepare myself for my chemistry exam result.. I’m sure.. I didn’t make a good mark on it. argh. X3 why is it soo hard? *frustrated* but i hope i won’t fail that hard ne? *hopes*

hokey.. enough about the exams! *laughs*
FINALLY! I’ve started plotting ang planning about my business! wwwooooppss! scratch that! not just mine! *laughs* my best friend and I decided to be partners! *thumbs up* YEY! we’ve finally decided on it! and now we’re planning to buy the materials! hope it will be a success ne? *laughs* but it will! i’m sure with it! i’ll do my best! and hope she will! *laughs* and i hope….. there’ll be people willing to buy those goods..ahaha! XD~~~ *hopes*

Note: There you go! I updated! *laughs* thanks to jadey-chan to remind me to update! ^____^ *hugs*

12:58 a.m. November 08, 2008

This past few days… it seems like I can’t decide whether I’m happy or not, sad or not… whenever i convince myself that I’m happy, there’s this deep hole inside my mind and heart that keeps telling me that something is wrong. No. ‘Wrong’ is not the exact word but something is ‘missing’. It felt like I’m walking in an empty road with so many confusing paths to choose. Not only the road is empty… but also my heart and mind… I want to know what’s wrong or missing within me. But I guess it’s really hard to get the answer to the things that are tightly kept deep inside your soul.

1:01 a.m. November 08, 2008

I don’t know if I’m going to believe what people say to me, I’m not sure if I should trust them or not. Honestly, I don’t know who will I to believe anymore… things around me is getting complicated everyday… I thought it’s getting better, but the more I seek deep, the more I fall deep in a deep black hole that no one will never grab a hold of me to get me back again..

1:09 a.m. November 08, 2008

It feels like I’m always tired of something… I can’t keep up, no matter how i tried to. I keep on holding on something that’s invisible and impossible for me to reach and to keep… I really don’t know what I really want now. Whenever I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, so many things that keeps on flashing on my mind in a blurry way… I can’t understand it, and I can no longer bare it anymore, I want scream. I want to scream hard for help… I tried to. But I failed… I think I’ve lost myself deep in that black hole that keeps holding me to not to live anymore.

End: 1: 12 a.m. November 08, 2008

Note… i don’t know if this is me.. lol! i got this feeling that someone is using me..lmao! XD~~~

…mmmmm… i don’t know what to say… I’m really starting to make my life indecisive.. *sigh* argh… I’m i going to have a future? i tried to think positively, but i guess… my insanity is coming back again to hunt me… i have told myself that my life is stupid, worthless, nothing, empty… but no matter i said it over and over again.. i ended up realizing that this life is important.. that i have to treasure and use it for all i can ‘coz God gave it to me…

.. i thought things are just going to be in the right place, but as time goes by… it seems i didn’t noticed that it’s changing slowly in the way i don’t want it to be… i felt loneliness surrounds me, i guess I’m just alone in this world… i tried to put my best act of happiness.. but no matter what i do, the mask’s always slips off out of my face… i can’t control things in my life… i feel like, i’m engulfing myself through a midst of darkness… where i can no longer recover again…

*EH?! LOL! is this really me? or the other part of me??? hhhuuuuuwwwwwwaaa! *scared* this is just a cheesy emotional blog! lol! X3 non of this is me…>.<*